I am broken!

The last few weeks have been some of the most emotionally challenging, exhausting and stressful times for me. The majority of the days have been a huge struggle, paved with panic attacks and anxiety, leaving me feeling that I have literally lost control of everything in my life.

Here is something I wrote one night when things were particularly dark; but when I read it back the next morning I surprised myself, it amazes me how creativity can evolve from such ugly things…….

‘I am broken’…….

I am broken, exhausted, it’s going to take far more than glue
To repair this mess that I have dissolved in to
Shattered in pieces so tiny and small
How do I pick them all up with little help at all
My hands are scared from picking up the shards before
Tender and hurting, ripped and clawed
No one to help for fear of cutting their hands too
Left alone yet again feeling so useless, without a clue

Just sweep it up, hoover it, whatever it takes
To clear this mess up my mind continuously makes
The quicker the better so people can again walk on my floor
Blind to the devastation that lay there before
Collapsing with exhaustion without hope to carry on
No energy, no motivation, my happiness just gone
Even if I somehow manage this immense feat
To mend all the pieces so all nice and neat
There will always be lines and cracks etched within
Areas of weakness that lay beneath my skin
How can I concentrate on the task at hand
When I’m still pulling out splinters from last time around

Can the pieces be washed away and I just start anew
Flawless and unmarked, primed to be viewed
No expectations, no judgements, nothing to hide
Everything perfectly presented, with great sense of pride
Reinvented, reconstructed, rebuilt from scratch
But in reality there will always be the hatch
That leads to my past where all the mess is stored
Like junk in an attack, a pile of items emotionally flawed
But brick by brick and day by day
The foundations are forming where broken pieces once lay
So maybe there is hope, I must believe that there is some
Just let the dust settle, could the best be yet to come?

Accept who I am and what will be will be
Believe I am the imperfectly perfect, ‘Beautifully Broken’ me

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One thought on “I am broken!

  1. Jayne says:

    Aww that’s lovely and very touching. Natalie you have a gift for writing and poetry you should pursue this you are an amazing creative woman. Haven’t heard from you so I was hoping things were sorting themselves out. Cxxxx

    Like

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