Lately we haven’t been very good friends, you keep hurting my feelings and making me feel ugly, fat and ashamed of myself. I think that both you and the mirror have been ganging up on me, not to mention the clothes taking your side too.
Well, I think it’s time we made up, so let’s make a deal….you and me are going to make amends; it’s going to be a long and hard journey, but maybe tape measure and the running trainers can help us to come to an understanding. I know that I have had my part to play in our disagreements, but I am willing to work at it and I want to commit to our friendship. I don’t want to feel that sinking fear every time we encounter each other.
Certain members of the food family, and of course that cheeky pink wine, will want us to fail, but if we take each day as it comes and have respect for each other, then I think we can get to a happy place. What do you think?
Ps. I have also spoken with brain and he knows that he has some serious issues he needs to resolve in order to support our friendship, but his hormones are still causing utter chaos, so we might have to prepare ourselves for a few hiccups along the way. On those days, we must try to be forgiving and not hold a grudge. I look forward to your reply.
Dear Natalie’s Body,
Well this is a shock! You keep giving me mixed signals….You come and visit me everyday, sometimes three or more times in one day. You put so much pressure on me, constantly wanting answers and I always give you an honest reply; so why are you so cross at me for telling you the truth? I remember the days you used to greet me in the morning, excited to see me and even more excited when I showed you the magic numbers that you constantly demand from me. How can I give you any more? I never lie, I am always there for you (with the exception of the batteries having an occasional nap) and I have supported you through all of your ups and downs in the past.
As for my friendships with the mirror and the clothes, it’s purely innocent and to me it sounds like you’re jealous that we all still get along. We haven’t changed, you are the one who has changed; I think that you need to take responsibility for our fall out. In my opinion it’s your friendships with certain individuals (chocolate, sugar and pink wine to mention just a few) that has hindered our friendship; and I have seen you popping those little white pills that you insist keeps brain happy (I am convinced that they have their role to play in it all too). Don’t get me started about brain, he’s so messed up it’s unreal, apparently something to do with his Post Natal Depression. I don’t really understand it so maybe you should speak with him about this. You seem to have got in with the wrong crowd and I am really concerned about you.
I think we need a break, so tape measure has said he will give us this space to give you a new perspective on things, that way you can concentrate on measurements rather than weight and won’t be so reliant on me. The clothes have said that some of them will give you some breathing room to take the pressure off your waist, they don’t want to let the muffin tops make you feel bad about yourself. Unfortunately, the mirror won’t budge, she said she’s just a reflection of you and can’t change this, so I guess that you will need to focus on the parts of you that you like; but she will help you with your makeup application and when you’re doing your hair. Maybe try smiling at her once in a while, I am sure that she will smile back at you which in turn will create a much more positive atmosphere.
So where do we go from here? I think we should have a brief encounter today to mark the start of our transformation from foes to friends. It will give us a figure to work from and then it should be all down hill from there, no more upward struggles just a nice easy ride to the bottom. However, I feel too that brain may be an issue and if he keeps getting in our way more negotiations will probably be required.
I look forward to our journey to becoming friends again and I think that it will take a lot of pressure and stress off both of us, leaving us in a much happier and more positive place.
Ps. Can you please ask the small bodied human to stop coming at me like a crazed animal and then pressing all my buttons and bashing me with random hard objects….it’s pretty damn scary!!!!! Thanks.